If you’re dating an introvert, you may be struggling to understand your partner and their preferences—especially if you’re an extrovert and in the early stages of the relationship. To non-introverted people, introvert dating can be a bit perplexing. After all, introverts are polar opposites of extroverts.
Where an extrovert enjoys large parties and going out, introverts might prefer a quiet evening with close friends. And while extroverts enjoy spending lots of time in social situations an introvert will become fatigued and need time to recharge after time spent in social settings. As a result, if you’re an extrovert, a lot of what an introvert does will not make sense to you.
Plus, it’s very easy to misinterpret their need for alone time as an indicator that they are just not that into you. To keep you from making false assumptions, it’s important that you know what makes an introvert tick when it comes to dating relationships. Here’s what you need to know if you’re dating an introvert.
What It’s Like Dating an Introvert
Before you can fully understand what dating an introvert means, you need to know what introversion is—and what it isn’t. Overall, introversion is a personality trait where the person focuses more on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation.
Typically, people who are introverted have a small group of close friends, enjoy solitude, and find large groups or parties draining at times. They also are very self aware, enjoy observing people and situations, and are drawn to careers that foster independence. Introverts like to be alone because they require a lower amount of social stimulation.
You may have a partner who is a highly sensitive introvert, or you may be romantically interested in one. Either way, here are some things to know when dating them, so you can help the relationship thrive and be your best and happiest self.
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They need downtime to recharge.
Both introverts and highly sensitive people need a lot of downtime, or “me time,” to recharge their energy. Quite often, they feel overwhelmed in noisy places, or in those that have bright lights or a lot of activity, like a bar, classroom, or office. If your significant other prefers to stay home sometimes instead of meeting up with you and your friends, do not take it personally. They’re probably trying to regain their energy so they can feel replenished by the next time they see you.
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They experience emotions deeply and will be sensitive to your feelings.
Highly sensitive introvert are often very emotional. In fact, one of the things you probably love about them is their ability to sense and feel the pain of other people. The same goes with how they’ll act toward you — they will probably try to be conscientious of your feelings and not say or do anything to hurt you.
On the flip side, if you are not as sensitive, make sure to communicate with empathy and patience. Also, choose your words wisely — you don’t want to inadvertently hurt your partner’s feelings.
3. They are honest and authentic.
Not only are sensitive introverts highly intuitive, but they are also authentic and appreciate that trait in a partner. So be yourself on a date — because they will quickly figure out (and read between the lines) if you aren’t!
Similarly, if you are searching for someone who is sincere, you just found them, and they would love for you to be as sincere as possible in return.
Because of their high levels of empathy, sensitive introverts tend to be deeply caring, and they will go the extra mile to make sure that you are happy. They love deeply, and the phrase, actions speak louder than words is so true when dating a highly sensitive introvert (although you can believe their words, too!).
For example, if you are sick, maybe they will bring you your favorite soup or flowers. If you had a bad day at work, same thing — they’ll comfort you (unless you need some aforementioned alone time). No matter what, they’ll show you how much you mean to them.
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They prefer low-key environments.
Both introverts and sensitive people usually prefer calm environments over crowded places. If a place is overstimulating — full of noise and people — it can be hard for highly sensitive introverts to focus and be in the moment with you.
An ideal date would be to go to an introvert friendly place, like a museum or coffee shop, or to take a walk or hike. That way, the two of you can focus on each other without any distractions.
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They are selective about who they spend time with.
Introverts don’t consider everyone their friend, and the same goes for romantic partners – they don’t date, or spend time with, just anybody. But once they let you into their life — into their inner circle — it means you really matter to them. You might have a friend (or more) for life.
With that said, even when they become comfortable around you, it doesn’t mean they’ll automatically be comfortable around your family and friends. Just like it took time for them to warm up to you, it will take time for them to warm up to other new people.
Instead of taking them to a big family party, start small: Introduce them to a few family members at a time and go from there. If your introvert needs some alone time in the middle of a get-together, again, don’t take it personally. They probably just need to recharge their energy so they can be their best, socially.
In any case, let them build bonds with your loved ones at their own pace and don’t force anything. Remember, it’s about making them feel comfortable to open
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Simple things make them happy.
Highly sensitive introversr think deeply about life and find joy in simple things. They will appreciate small acts of care that you do for them, like making them a cup of coffee in the morning or surprising them with a good book. Even though these are simple things, they will not go unnoticed. When you show support and care, it means everything to them.
Similarly, they will probably do caring things for you in return. Due to their excellent listening skills, they’ll take note of all the little (and big) things you like — and dislike.
When it comes to introversion, there also are a number of different misconceptions despite the fact that introverts make up about one-third to one half of the world’s population.
In fact, many introverts reports being misunderstood. When they are quiet, people often assume that something must be wrong or that they are angry or depressed. Sometimes people may even feel that they are standoffish or aloof.
Instead, most introverts may be quiet, simply because they don’t feel the need to be the center of attention. They prefer to observe their environment and the people around them. And, they are usually more reserved in what they share about themselves with other people preferring to get to know someone before opening up.
What’s more, introversion is not an oddity or a weakness. Both introversion and extraversion have been identified in almost every species of the animal kingdom including even fruit flies.
For instance, there are fruit flies that will sit quietly in one place while others will roam around and explore their environment.1 Some researchers believe that each approach provides a unique survival strategy and is vital depending on the situation. The same is true for humans.
Sometimes it is beneficial to be an extrovert and sometimes it is beneficial to be an introvert. Both personality traits have value and importance.
Understanding this fact is essential because it keeps you from assuming that one personality trait is preferred over the other. Instead, just accept that extroverts and introverts are different.
If there’s one thing I know as an introvert, it’s that we “quiet ones” are great at making one-on-one connections. Plus, many of us tend to be introspective, good listeners, and genuine.
When we’re not only introverts but also highly sensitive people, we’re even more affected by our environment — sights, smells, and sounds impact us more. Plus, we’re highly empathic and in tune with other people’s emotions, almost as if they are our own feelings.
Although a common introvert misconception is that we don’t like people, this isn’t true — we just don’t like all people. When we forge a relationship with someone, whether a friend or romantic partner, watch out. Once we’re in, we’re in!
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